he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
