Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
