There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
