I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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