I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
