How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
