i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
