With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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