ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Is it penis luge time yet?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
