Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
