you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
