I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Holy sore nipples Batman
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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