i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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