the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We're using joints as your birthday candles
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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