Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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