remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
