3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
