Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl

(313): View more from Michigan

you mean his girlfriend

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging

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(315): View more from New York

My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."

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(678): View more from Georgia

So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.

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(863): View more from Florida

hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away

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(607): View more from New York

I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"

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