I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
