Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
