I think I am morally bankrupt
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
