I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
