If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
