morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
it's like heaven, but drunker
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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