Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
