Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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