What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
