you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
