You can't motorboat a personality
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
