Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
