She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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