Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
