WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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