The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Randomize
