Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
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