alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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