I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
