put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
50% drunk capacity currently
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
