he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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