I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
