that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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