i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
