Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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