this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
