i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
