My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
