1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
