Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Still dying that you shit outside
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
