You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
