why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
