it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
