when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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