I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think I won the penis lottery.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
